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Pregnant Oregon Women Discover a New Face of Adoption

I met Molly in 1963, while I was a social worker in Chicago. When I met her she was about 6 months pregnant, and scared. She was a pretty girl, in her mid twenties, with long brown hair and brilliant green eyes. I remember thinking, “I hope the baby has her eyes.”

Molly’s boyfriend left soon after finding out about the pregnancy. In that era, being pregnant and not married, adoption was Molly’s only option.

At the time, babies were matched with families based on physical characteristics and economic class. Molly’s baby would go to a blue collar family with a similar education level as Molly and similar looks.  A committee of social workers would be in charge of sifting through families to make the match. Molly had no role in choosing a family for her baby…

To avoid embarrassment for her parents, Molly was sent away from her hometown during the pregnancy. After the baby’s birth, Molly never saw the child, and she was expected to return to her home and never speak of the experience, pretending that nothing had happened.

Recently, in my current work as supervisor of the Infant Adoption Program at Boys & Girls Aid, I met a young pregnant woman named Emily. About the same age, and with the same sparkling green eyes, Emily took me back to my time with Molly. I was struck by how drastically different the experience of adoption was for these two women.

Today, Emily plays the key role in making choices for herself and her baby. Emily came to adoption as a choice, after understanding all the options available to her. When her baby was born, she called Boys & Girls Aid to find the perfect family. She looked through books with pictures and stories from families waiting to adopt an infant. She was struck by Mark and Ellen, but wanted to meet them in person to be sure they were the right family for her child. After a face-to-face meeting, Emily chose to sign the adoption papers, assured that that she had made the best choice for her baby’s future.

Emily, Mark, and Ellen have an open adoption. Unlike Molly, who was not even allowed to see her baby, much less maintain contact, in today’s adoptions having continued contact is expected.  Birthparents share their medical history and exchange letters and pictures with the adoptive family.  Families also frequently have face-to-face meetings, according to a contract established during the adoption. This openness is much healthier for all the people involved – birthparents, families, and children.

Although we believed the adoption practices of the 60-70’s were in the best interests of everyone involved, I am so thankful that today’s practices are very different. Now the birthparents choose the adoptive family and can make the choice to have contact with the child. The adoptive family has information to share with their child as they grow up, and the child is able to have ongoing contact with the birth family.

~Faye Moore, Supervisor, Infant Adoption Program