A Whole Lot of Love- Elsa's Open Adoption Story
Most parents have months to prepare for a new baby. Cassie and Matt had three days.
Matt grew up with several family members who were adopted, including his mother, stepbrother, and some cousins, as well as a few close family friends. When he and Cassie found out they couldn’t have biological children, they quickly focused on adoption to grow their family.
The couple diligently researched several adoption agencies before landing on Boys & Girls Aid.
“What it came down to was finding an agency that matched our values. That was Boys & Girls Aid for us,” Cassie said.
Cassie and Matt appreciated Boys & Girls Aid’s approach to all-options counseling for expectant mothers, philosophy on openness, commitment to working with all kinds of people and families, and focus on supporting the needs of everyone in the adoption triad throughout their journeys.
The couple got set up with an Adoption Clinician, Barb, and joined the pool of waiting families.
“What it came down to was finding an agency that matched our values. That was Boys & Girls Aid for us.”
A Whirlwind Beginning
Matt had just gotten home after a hard day at work and was about to head out the door for a run when his phone rang. It was Barb. There was a birth mother who was due in 10 days who wanted to meet them.
“I called Cassie immediately and we both started to cry,” Matt said. “We felt excitement, gratitude, and anxiety.”
They planned a meeting with the birth mother for three days later. Cassie and Matt got to work right away preparing to potentially bring home a baby in less than two weeks.
On the day they were supposed to meet the birth mother, the couple got an unexpected call from Barb at 5 a.m. The birth mother was in labor, and they needed to get to the hospital right away.
Cassie and Matt met the birth mother, and their new daughter, that same day. They gave their daughter her first name, Elsa*, and her birth mother chose her middle name.
“The middle name she had chosen was unique, and coincidentally, also the name of our best friend from grad school where we met. That made for a very special surprise,” Cassie said.
After a few days in the hospital, the exhausted family of three returned home. They introduced Elsa to their two dogs, who greeted her by kissing her feet.
An Open Adoption
Cassie and Matt have regular communication with Elsa’s birth mother, sending her pictures and updates every few months. They’ve also met Elsa’s birth grandmother and other members of her extended family. Elsa has a large support system of people who love her.
“Openness is important to us, and we have always talked about adoption with Elsa. Having that connection has been really special, and it has felt good to assure Elsa has a relationship and connection to her birth family,” Cassie shared.
Fast forward to today
Elsa is now a curious, persistent, sensitive, and brave four-year-old who loves books, singing, and pretending. She loves playing with her buddies at school and is always working on learning new skills at soccer and ballet.
“She seems to be a budding thespian of sorts, with nighty serenades and acting out of various scenes,” Cassie said.
The family loves celebrating holidays and milestones and spending time with extended family. Every year, they host a big birthday party for Elsa. They have developed several family traditions including going camping and visiting Florida every summer, dressing up in family costumes on Halloween and hosting a pumpkin painting party, and cutting their own Christmas tree with Elsa’s great grandma during the holiday season.
Cassie and Matt’s favorite things about being parents are learning from Elsa and growing. They said she brings laughter and joy to their lives, and experiencing things through her eyes is very rewarding.
“There’s something really beautiful about getting to know yourself and your partner more through the experience of parenthood,” Cassie said. “That growth, the humor and sheer delight Elsa brings to our lives reminds us that we’re exactly where we are meant to be.”
COVID-19 delayed Barb from meeting Elsa for a while after she had settled in with her family. When she was finally able to visit, she brought Elsa a toy unicorn. Elsa chose to name the unicorn “Barb,” and it now acts as a lovely reminder of the family’s connection with Boys & Girls Aid.
“Adoption is beautiful — woven with grief, hope and love.”
The Wait Was Worth It
Adoption can be a long, complicated process. No two adoption stories are the same, and you can’t anticipate everything, Cassie said. She recommends being open to the unexpected and embracing what follows. She also stresses the importance of having a solid foundation and shared values with your partner before beginning the process.
For Cassie and Matt, waiting was the hardest part. It took them almost a year before they entered the waiting family pool, and another 18 months before they got the call about Elsa. Some months, there was no activity at all, dimming their hope.
“Of course, all the waiting was worth it, and the anguish vanished when Elsa was placed with us,” Cassie said.
Cassie and Matt shared this advice to others who are considering adoption:
“Adoption is beautiful — woven with grief, hope and love. Lean on systems of support as you start your journey, create connections with others who have been through similar circumstances. If you’re fortunate to grow your family through adoption, know it can be a long and uncertain path. Read what you can about the process, talk to others about their experience, and plan fun things for yourself while you wait.”
Click here to learn more about infant adoption or reach out to us at 503-542-2301 or info@boysandgirlsaid.org.
*Elsa is a pseudonym, chosen by the child, to protect her identity.