Siblings Find New Start Through Foster Care Adoption

Dan and Andrew always knew that they wanted to be parents. When the time came to take that step, they couldn’t help but consider the thousands of children in the foster care system in need of permanent, loving homes. The couple decided they’d like to adopt an older child from foster care.

As they started their adoption journey, they explored different adoption agencies, but Dan and Andrew were drawn to Boys & Girls Aid.

“We were immediately impressed with Boys & Girls Aid. We felt that BGA was inclusive of queer couples, not religion-based, honest about the process, and approachable,” Andrew said.

As first-time adoptive parents, Dan and Andrew were unsure of their rights and appreciated when their Boys & Girls Aid clinician advocated for them and helped them navigate conversations and negotiations with ODHS (Oregon Department of Human Services). To this day, the couple has regular contact with Boys & Girls Aid, who offers them resources and help to support their family’s growth.

Derek and Daniel

Soon, their clinician informed them of two young brothers, Derek and Daniel, who needed a family. Dan and Andrew could instantly tell they’d be great parents to the boys.

“We both come from families with siblings and we knew we eventually wanted more than one child. Knowing that sibling sets can be harder to place, we opened ourselves to the idea,” Andrew said.

Life was not easy for Derek and Daniel when they were young. Their biological parents suffered from addiction and homelessness, which left the children neglected, impoverished, and abused.

At ages five and nine, Derek and Daniel entered foster care. Over the course of four years, they lived in three different foster homes, in addition to a few placements with biological family members, before they began the process of being adopted.

Ready for Permanency

When Andrew and Dan first met Derek and Daniel, they were excited about getting to know the boys and welcoming them into the family.

“Our first day together was a bit of a whirlwind, but a very happy day for all of us,” Andrew remembered. “We learned as much as we could about their foster home, foster family and friends so that we could create a smooth transition into the next chapter."

Derek, who was eight at the time, was shy at first but quickly warmed up. He was affectionate and it was clear he needed the love and attention of a dad.

Older brother Daniel was 13 and a little more reserved. He was excited to meet his new family and very mature about the whole situation.

“They were ready for permanency; we could sense the relief in them. They were tired of not knowing how long they would be in each foster home and ready to move forward in a permanent home. Their readiness helped us bond very quickly,” Andrew said.

Upon arriving home, Andrew and Dan were touched to watch the boys explore their new house for the first time, knowing that this was their forever home.

“Over time our home has changed with their Lego sets, bedroom décor, and family photos, but I’ll never forget spending those first few days together,” Andrew reminisced.

It took some time for the new family to adjust. Andrew and Dan learned that transitions could be challenging for the boys, so they created routines and discussed plans and changes with them in advance. They posted the weekly dinner menu on the refrigerator and started having a family meeting each week to let everyone know what to expect.

“Daniel and Derek didn’t grow up the way we did, so things we thought were ‘normal,’ like having dinner together at a table, seemed odd to them and took some getting used to,” Andrew said.

After eight months, Andrew, Dan, Derek, and Daniel officially became a forever family when the boys’ adoptions were finalized.

A New Normal

Years later, the family has gotten used to their new normal.

“We have blended our two family cultures, taking parts of both and combining them into a new family culture. We dads are more open to anime, horror movies, and gaming now, and our boys are beginning to get out and explore the world through camping, traveling, being active, and trying new sports or activities,” Andrew said.

Now, Derek is a social, active, and affectionate preteen. He loves being with his friends. Though he's growing up, he still loves the attention of his dads and asks to be tucked in every night.

Daniel is cautious, thoughtful, and academic. He even enjoys philosophical conversation! He’s on the swim team and had a summer job. He becomes more grounded and secure in his place in the family every day.

With time, the family has created traditions they look forward to every year, like visiting grandparents in Hawaii and Minnesota, camping each month in the summer, and picking pumpkins at a friend’s farm in October. They enjoy inside jokes, pranks, and showing their love in their own special ways on a daily basis.

"Our favorite things about being parents are seeing things for the first time again through our children’s eyes, watching them grow, and helping them visualize a future for themselves that they didn’t consider previously,” Andrew said.

If you’re interested in learning more about foster care adoption, visit boysandgirlsaid.org/fostercareadoption or contact us at info@boysandgirlsaid.org.