National Adoption Month 2024 - Mateo and Theresa’s Story

For many children, the thought of being adopted is tied to heartache and pain.

After being separated from his mother at the age of two, Mateo was thrust into Oregon’s foster care system. Moving to 17 different foster homes over eight years, he faced constant instability, leading to a range of behavioral and psychological challenges. Multiple foster family placements were unable to provide the individualized support and attention he needed. There were mornings he would go to school, only to discover at the end of the day that he no longer had a home to return to.

But thanks to the efforts of Boys & Girls Aid’s Permanency Services team, those days of instability are coming to an end. By the end of this year, Mateo will be an official member of a new family because his former teacher, Theresa is adopting him. He is gaining two new siblings and a parent well-equipped to respond to his unique needs. At long last, Mateo will finally know what it’s like to grow up with a sense of permanency and the stability of a loving family to help him succeed.

Mateo’s path to permanency wasn’t easy. It took years of dedication, care and advocacy from his Boys & Girls Aid Family Permanency Specialist, Kate, to help him get ready for this moment. Over the course of multiple counseling sessions, conversations, and skills training activities, Kate worked extensively with Mateo to help prepare him for adoption. “We would talk about the really hard things in his past,” Kate explains. “He didn’t know how to self-soothe, but he understood that it was something he wanted to work on.”

A key aspect of Kate’s efforts was helping Mateo explore what permanency meant to him by guiding him to understand what he truly wanted in a family. “One of the things that makes Boys & Girls Aid special is that we’re really good at meeting kids where they are,” says Kate. “I don’t think anyone had ever asked Mateo what he was looking for in a family.” Therapeutic activities such as mobility mapping and visualizing Mateo’s permanency plan through building a “Jenga Tower” helped him gain an understanding of the components he wanted in a home and the support he wants and needs in a parent. “It took a lot of trial and error and there would be good days and bad days,” explains Kate, “but he’s really made incredible strides.”

While working with Mateo, Kate recognized that he would greatly benefit from attending a specialized school for children with behavioral challenges stemming from trauma. Soon after he started at his new school, he was placed in Theresa’s class, where the two felt an immediate connection. “He’s such a special kid,” says Theresa, “even though he’s been through so much he has such a big heart.” When Kate learned of the close bond between Mateo and Theresa, she realized Theresa could be the ideal adoptive mother. After discussing it, both Mateo and Theresa wholeheartedly agreed — they wanted to become a family.

Mateo’s adoption is still in progress — they’re currently in the home study and transition phase, with Mateo spending a few days and nights at a time with Theresa. “We’re letting Mateo dictate the process,” explains Theresa. “We want to make sure he doesn’t feel rushed and that he likes the arrangement.”

But all indications suggest that this adoptive match is meant to be. Mateo has been getting along famously with his new siblings and has already begun forging a strong bond with them. “He and my youngest daughter have such similar personalities,” Theresa shares. “He’s already so caring and protective of his new siblings."

Although the lingering effects of Mateo’s trauma from growing up in foster care still present challenges, Theresa feels well-prepared to support her new son. “It takes him some time to trust people, and he still experiences anxiety and occasional behavioral outbursts,” Theresa says. “But he’s taken real ownership of the obstacles he wants to overcome and the things he wants to improve about himself. I’m happy to be someone he knows he can trust and who can support him on that journey.”

Moreover, through working with Boys & Girls Aid to adopt Mateo, Theresa knows that there will always be someone there to advocate for her family. “I was really surprised that there were so many people like Kate who were working together to advocate for kids like Mateo.”

Since 1885, Boys & Girls Aid has been dedicated to helping vulnerable children like Mateo make permanent, life-long connections with caring adults who are ready to meet their needs and help them process their past trauma. Through Boys & Girls Aid’s Permanency Services, specialists like Kate are able to work directly with children in foster care, providing transformative interventions that makes positive outcomes like this possible. Thanks to the generous support of dedicated community members, Boys & Girls Aid has built a life-changing legacy of completing more than 18,000 adoptions for infants and children in foster care, impacting tens of thousands of lives along the way — and our work is far from over.

As we celebrate National Adoption Month this November, we ask that you make an investment in the lives of children and families with a donation to Boys & Girls Aid. Your gift will help us carry out our mission to break the cycle of foster care for kids just like Mateo and build a brighter future where every child has a family to call their own