National Adoption Month 2024 - Max and Derek’s Story
November is a hectic time for Dan and Andrew’s family.
Along with their two adopted sons, Max (17) and Derek (13), they are preparing for multiple Thanksgiving celebrations: one with the adoptive parents of their sons’ two younger biological siblings, another with close family friends, and a third just for them — so they can “eat all the food without sharing.”
Dan and Andrew’s family structure may be anything but ordinary, but they wouldn’t have it any other way. “Boys & Girls Aid’s training taught us that the structure of adoptive families is like a constellation, not a typical family tree with simple branches,” explains Dan. “It’s made up of different people with various connections—some close, some more distant—but all connected in some way.”
Adoption has brought joy and enrichment to every “star” in their family’s constellation. Through movie nights, family dinners, and outings to comedy shows and the Oregon State Fair, they have come together and blossomed into a truly close-knit family since meeting five years ago.
But this dynamic didn’t emerge overnight. Like many children in Oregon’s foster care system, Max and Derek’s early lives were marked by trauma and instability. During their four years in the system, Max and Derek moved between eight different placements before being matched with Dan and Andrew through Boys & Girls Aid’s Foster Care Adoption program.
“I always push back when people tell us our boys are ‘lucky,’” says Andrew. “We now have a very happy family, but they did not have a lucky life.”
Before adopting Max and Derek, Dan and Andrew completed extensive pre-adoption training with Boys & Girls Aid’s team. “They helped us clearly understand the process,” says Andrew. “They were very frank and realistic about how adopting from the foster care system isn’t a fairy tale. These kids have already endured significant trauma and grown into their own unique individuals. Your job as a parent is to love them for who they are.”
“Boys & Girls Aid’s training taught us that the structure of adoptive families is like a constellation, not a typical family tree with simple branches,”...“It’s made up of different people with various connections—some close, some more distant—but all connected in some way.”
After completing the training, certification, and home study process in November 2019, Dan and Andrew learned about their future sons just one month later. “One of the great things about Boys & Girls Aid is that they make it clear they are focused on finding the best family for the child, not the best child for the family,” Andrew explains. “They really emphasized to us that there was no reason we wouldn’t be great dads for Max and Derek.”
It was clear from the start that Dan and Andrew were a perfect fit for the boys. When the family met in person for the first time, Derek immediately jumped into his new dads' arms. “It was like he was climbing from dad to dad,” recalls Dan. “We were so nervous, but they seemed so happy to meet us. I remember thinking, ‘Oh, thank goodness this doesn’t feel awkward — we’re really going to be a family.’”
Their excitement about building a life together quickly gave way to adapting plans amid unprecedented circumstances. Once Max and Derek’s adoption was finalized, the initial plan was to gradually transition the boys into their new home through several visits over the summer. However, with the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, those plans quickly changed, and it became more practical to expedite their move-in. Within just two short weeks of meeting their new parents in person for the first time, Max and Derek were welcomed into their new home.
“It was exciting” recalls Derek. “I remember they put up a sign that said, ‘Welcome Home’ on the garage door.”
While their connection felt natural from the beginning, the early days of becoming a family weren’t without their hurdles. Adjusting to each other’s strong personalities and communication styles was no small task, and Dan and Andrew had to navigate how best to support Max and Derek as they worked through their past trauma.
“For the first month or so, we looked at each other like scared cats,” Dan recalls. “We had to really work hard to figure out what makes each other tick, but I think that makes us more dynamic as a family.”
Luckily, this family wasn’t alone in navigating the early stages of their formation. Boys & Girls Aid’s staff was there every step of the way, providing guidance and support throughout their adoption journey. Alyssa, their Adoption Clinician, served as a key partner and resource during their family’s early days, offering helpful advice and encouragement.
“It was so reassuring to have someone there to tell us we were doing a good job,” Andrew shares. “She sent us so many helpful articles about parenting that really helped us figure out how we should interact with the boys.”
Similarly, Max and Derek found a strong advocate and mentor in their Boys & Girls Aid Permanency Specialist, Evan. Through several outings and therapeutic activities, Evan’s support not only helped Max and Derek process their past but also played a crucial role in helping them embrace their new future with their new dads.
“Evan was really great at helping me understand my story,” says Max. “It was helpful to have someone outside the family to hang out with and work through everything.”
With hard work and the ongoing support of Boys & Girls Aid’s team, it wasn’t long before this new family found their rhythm and settled into a joyful groove. “We pretty quickly bonded over a shared sense of humor,” recalls Dan. “We all love making each other laugh and finding the wittiest thing to say in the moment.” Derek jumps in with a grin, sharing a recent moment: “This morning, Dad said, ‘It’s not fair — you’re getting funnier than me!’”
These days, Dan, Andrew, Max, and Derek are experiencing another exciting period of transition. Max, a recent high school graduate, is beginning his college studies in mechanical engineering. Derek, meanwhile, has developed a passion for video games and computer animation and is growing taller by the day as he navigates the changes of puberty. With big changes and major milestones on the horizon, the newest twists and turns in their family’s journey can feel a little overwhelming — but they’re embracing the future with excitement, and ready to face whatever comes next — together.
Adoption stories like this are possible because of your continued support of Boys & Girls Aid. For 140 years and counting, we’ve been creating families for vulnerable kids like Max and Derek. Thanks to the generous support of dedicated community members, Boys & Girls Aid has built a life-changing legacy of facilitating more than 18,000 adoptions for infants and children in foster care, impacting tens of thousands of lives along the way — and our work is far from over.
As we celebrate National Adoption Month this November, we ask that you make an investment in the lives of children and families with a donation to Boys & Girls Aid. Your gift will help us carry out our mission to break the cycle of foster care and build a brighter future where every child has a family to call their own
