Foster Parenting: A Community of Care
Being a foster parent is not for the faint of heart. All children in foster care have experienced trauma. They’ve all been removed from their homes and biological family. They often come from backgrounds of abuse or neglect.
Youth come to Boys & Girls Aid with complex feelings and behaviors as a result of this trauma. As difficult as this is for the youth, it can also be difficult for our foster parents, who may be dealing with situations like this for the first time.
We want our youth and our foster parents to feel safe and supported, which is why we surround them with a community of care.
Foster Parents
Foster parents are usually the first line of support for a youth in foster care. Youth in our programs need consistent, caring adults in their lives.
Juan and Carmen have been foster parents at Boys & Girls Aid for over five years in our Neighborhood and STEP programs.
"Once upon a time we had a young boy who seemed calm and friendly until one day while watching TV with family members, he started to run towards the main door trying to run out. When we tried to stop him, he became extremely aggressive,” Juan said. “Police were called and when he was more controlled, we realized that this misbehavior was due to hanger and after giving him pizza everything was resolved.”
Unfortunately, not all problems can be solved with pizza. Foster parents see the youth and their struggles and help to work through them. It is important for foster parents to show youth that they matter and are worth the effort to keep trying.
Mary-Jackelyn Downing, Director of Juvenile Services in our STEP program, says foster parents and their ability to be flexible and connect with youth can make or break the experience for the kids.
“It can either give them hope or confirm their fears about how ‘hard’ they are to manage,” she said.
Cynthia Molina, Program Director in our Neighborhood Program, says foster parents show consistency, love and care, and they become a major part of the youth’s future.
“Having a good foster parent allows youth to be able to relearn what having family support is and helps them learn healthy boundaries and how to deal with different life scenarios as they come,” Molina said.
Boys & Girls Aid Staff
Unlike traditional foster care, youth at Boys & Girls Aid take part in programs with staff and peers designed to work on behavioral and life skills.
Staff also help facilitate mediation and communication between youth and foster parents when they need a little more help understanding each other. Downing says this helps youth see that they can talk about what is wrong and what they need as a team and know they will not get shut down.
Staff collaborate with our foster parents in one-on-one meetings and training nights, as well as phone calls twice a week to review what has been happening with youth, what support the family needs, and how they can collaborate with one another to work towards the youth’s and foster parents’ goals. Staff and foster parents communicate regularly through phone calls and texts, and after-hours help is available 24/7.
“We have permanent double-way communication with staff. We can always reach them by phone if we have questions, doubts or concerns. In case of emergency, we call the emergency line to get the support and help we need,” Juan said.
Training & Support
Foster parents at Boys & Girls Aid attend ongoing monthly training sessions to learn how to support youth in specific scenarios. Examples of past training topics include dealing with grief and loss and supporting LGBTQIA+ youth.
Juan shares that the Neighborhood program has monthly meetings to discuss and learn from different situations and experiences, and find ways to problem solve.
Foster parents use these trainings as opportunities to connect with other foster parents. But that is not the only opportunity for our parents to get together. We also host birthday parties for our NEST youth during which parents can mingle and get to know each other.
“We attend regular trainings and share our experiences with other foster parents and learn from theirs,” Juan said.
At the end of the day, our goals for our youth are permanency, safety and success. Juan said that his favorite part of being a foster parent is watching the youth grow up and become more mature and ready to face their lives.
To learn more about becoming a foster parent with Boys & Girls Aid, visit our website.