"I Gained Family"- A Birth Mother’s Perspective

Misty was going through a difficult time in her life. Her and her four children were in the process of leaving her abusive husband, which left them homeless, without transportation and without any income.

Misty met someone new and started to feel more optimistic about the future. But that optimism was quickly crushed when Misty got a call that her new partner had died in a car accident. That same day, Misty found out that she was pregnant.

“I knew before I had him that I couldn't keep him,” Misty said. “I didn’t have anything to offer this baby.”

Misty hid her pregnancy up until giving birth. At the hospital with a new baby boy that she named Brody, Misty asked to be put in contact with an adoption agency. The hospital recommended Boys & Girls Aid.

Misty’s adoption specialist helped her place Brody in a foster home for a few days while she got on her feet. She packed her belongings and took her older children to a hotel room that Boys & Girls Aid provided. Boys & Girls Aid helped with transportation and provided Misty and her family with groceries and a cell phone.

Since Misty was still married, she had to get her husband to sign off on the adoption papers. Her adoption specialist talked her through what needed to happen, what documents he needed to sign, and encouraged her to meet him in a public place. She said she felt they made sure she was kept safe during the process.

“Boys & Girls Aid was fabulous,” Misty said. “They were just very calm and very inviting. I felt very held, very comforted by Boys & Girls Aid. They did a wonderful job.”

Once they were settled, Brody was returned and they started the process of finding a family for him. Misty’s 14-year-old daughter took charge of the situation.

“My daughter was instrumental in that because I was falling apart,” Misty said.

When it came to finding parents for her son, Misty didn’t want just anyone. She wanted someone who was soft, personable and not stuffy.

“I wanted my kid to be able to feel what camping was like, and getting dirty and climbing trees,” Misty said.

Her daughter wrote several pages of questions and conducted the first round of interviews.

Misty and her kids didn’t find a match in the first batch of adoptive parents that Boys & Girls Aid sent over. In fact, Boys & Girls Aid had to reach out to other resources in order to find more families looking to adopt.

After reviewing over 50 applicants, they landed on a down-to-earth couple named Mary and Jen. Misty was touched that Mary and Jen wrote them a personal note promising to keep Brody’s name, to keep in contact with the birth family and let them visit with Brody every three months.

“We fell in love with them,” Misty said.

Fast forward to today, and Brody is a thriving almost 15-year-old who likes anime and rocks, is on the wrestling team at school, and has a little sister, Karli, who was also adopted through Boys & Girls Aid. Misty said her kids get on the phone and have a lot to talk about with Brody because they have all the same interests.

Misty’s family and Mary and Jen’s family have stayed very much intertwined throughout the years. Mary and Jen have attended Misty’s kids’ graduations, they send first day of school pictures of Brody, the two groups get family pictures together, and when Mary and Jen got married, they even flew Misty’s daughter in to attend the wedding.

This past Christmas, the two families rented an Airbnb at the Oregon Coast and spent the holiday playing games, enjoying the beach and making memories. Mary and Jen even got the whole family matching shirts from Brody’s wrestling team.

Mary and Jen also set Misty up to take a Momentum course, which she credits with helping her prepare for the career she has today. Misty is a skills trainer, who helps families who are going through hard times and need help building their life skills, as she once did.

“I could never have offered Brody the life that he has now,” Misty said, “and I don’t know that I would have been able to pull together what I did for my kids that I already had.”

The advice that Misty has for other birth parents looking into adoption is to do their research and ask potential adoptive families a lot of questions.

“We just had this awesome connection, and I can only hope that other people would get that same connection,” Misty said. “It’s out there, you just have to put some time into it.”  

She said to look at it as two families coming together. If you choose open adoption, you can be right there to see all of your child’s big moments.

“I didn’t lose Brody, I gained family,” Misty said. “It’s been a wonderful trip. I would not change it for the world.”